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There Is No Nail Polish in Football! by Ranak Jones


Oh, hell, here goes Ranak on one of his sexist rants. Well, yes and no. First, I’d like to clarify that I am not a sexist, although I will make jokes about women, and their stereotypical shortcomings, like being bad drivers (but, hey, so are the Chinese, right?). I make these comments in jest. Secondly, this will actually be an anti-sexist piece, with a few sexist comment thrown in.

The first female NFL referee will be officiating a pre-season game tomorrow, between the San Diego Chargers and Green Bay Packers. It’s only taken about 80 plus years. Or if we to be more fair, only 40 years after the first female umpire of the MLB. Granted, the MLB hasn’t had another female umpire since, but at least they tried it. Well good for the NFL for hiring Shannon Eastin, although I think they have ulterior motives (namely publicity and as a red herring). Let’s start with this, a woman can do almost anything a man can do. Almost, mainly because of anatomy and evolution. Don’t get me wrong, a woman can beat the hell out of man (they don’t fight fair, they fight to win), but they can’t write their names in the snow, and it’s pretty hard for them to impregnate a male, or another female (although they are welcome to try! That’s the letch in me). But they can ref, or umpire (is that a verb?), or whatever.

Some detractors will say that they are not strong enough to move these behemoth of men. I counter with, these behemoth of men will go out of their way to listen and obey the woman (like in marriage) so they don’t get negative publicity, even the ones that have no respect for women. Another argument is that it ruins the sanctity of the game. Really? The sanctity of the game was ruined the first time the League whored itself out for the big bucks, by protecting certain aspects of the game over others (i.e. offense over defense, using defensive big hits to show that the game is violent but then condemning the men who made those hits to protect the offensive player). Yet another argument is that they are passing over more worthy male candidates because of her sex. So? Haven’t women been passed over because of their sex historically? Also, how do we know if they were passed over? All the replacements were from the college ranks or semi-pro leagues. She reffed in college. What other criteria is there? What did she not do as well as another? She is probably more fit than most other refs (she won 6 national championships in Judo). So what’s the issue? Besides, she may not even ref a real game if the NFL and regular referees come to an agreement.

I mentioned red herring earlier, what could that be? Well the publicity keeps the focus off of the inexperience of the replacement refs. Having Shannon be the focus, also forces the regular refs to try to come to an agreement faster. How? One, some are going to be chauvinist. Two, if she and her fellow replacements do well, there will be a much larger focus on her, and they will probably have to give her a regular job, meaning one other regular ref is gone. The last red herring, I believe, is to take the focus off of the players off-field legal issues and Bounty Gate. Maybe I’m just paranoid, not that I’ve been accused of that before, but I’ll tell you one thing, I would not mess with this ref, Shannon, the F3  (Fast and Furious Feet), Eastin! (see Judo above)

Here I revert to my sexist self!



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